These days, I wait with bated breath for a 'good morning' message from my cousin. Until a few months back, I would treat these messages as a means of leisure for someone who had just retired. Now, however, a buzz from his phone number makes me nervous since it comes with a story. The early morning messages mean he is okay. Those arriving a bit late infer he has had a bad start to the day. No message from him is a telling tale. A tale of a night of excruciating pain and exhaustion that may carry on through the day.
When the wait becomes intolerable, I call his sister or son, enquiring about his health. My cousin who is over 60 is fighting stomach cancer which has metastasised. With him, each one of us in the family is fighting the disease every day. Our conversations revolve around the chemo cycles, pain, and nausea. My usual enquiries are whether he was able to have anything, and if he did, was he able to digest it? A typical Kashmiri who was fond of his everyday 'sabzi ghosht' now eats semi-solids and only on a good day manages to digest them.
While the disease has hit home, I, as a health reporter, have had many trysts with it in the past. I have witnessed some amazing survival stories of people fighting and beating cancer. Have seen the struggles of doctors who deal with the disease day in and day out. Have seen how the faces of patients and families lit up with hope hearing about new technological advancements in cancer treatment.
Sometime back, I asked an old friend and one of India's most renowned oncologists Dr. Sameer Kaul if the disease still spelt a death sentence even with great advancements in diagnostics and treatment. While he was hopeful many treatments could prove beneficial, provided people were aware, he pointed out how such advanced cancer treatment and care was unaffordable, especially in a country like India.
"Efforts are being made to keep the costs low but it's an immense challenge. Even in a country like the United States, people are unable to pay for cancer care," he said. So when people make a crude joke out of a disease like cancer, it doesn't go down well with people like us. We know that the disease is no joke. Yesterday was one such day for me. When the news of a model, who so far had made news for all the wrong reasons, dying suddenly of cancer came, I was shocked.
Later in the day when I saw her earlier videos, I had my doubts. No one can die of cervical cancer in four days I thought and even shared my apprehension with friends. However, the news also took me back many years when my mentor and first boss died due to leukaemia at age 54. All the trauma of having to lose him even after a very early diagnosis came back as he died soon after.
I remembered how I got clearances from his cardiologist from AIIMS as he had a weak heart. The line of treatment was decided keeping in view the condition of his heart. With assurances that he had a very high chance of survival, I left for home in Kashmir thinking he would make it. However, only a few days later, he started deteriorating after his first cycle of chemotherapy. The man who was trying to arrange blood for himself on Twitter one day was no more the next. All predictions proved wrong. His heart gave away and he died even before the treatment could have started.
So when Ms Poonam Panday made this joke in the name of awareness for cervical cancer, I thought she must have met my boss's fate. I again started debating about the decision to give him chemo in the first place. Something his wife and I often end up discussing. I have to shrug off my sense of guilt of having made active decisions about his health every time the thought comes. I have to console myself thinking he would have bled to death otherwise, according to doctors, and the chemo seemed the only viable option at that time.