Emotional abuse, unlike physical abuse is hard to detect, therefore, hard to deal with. But the effects could be as damaging as physical abuse, if not worse. By nature, it is insidious and quite often, indirect. 'It’s a lot more confusing to victims, as it typically is couched in behaviors that can initially be perceived as 'caring,' Lisa Ferentz, a licensed clinical social worker and educator specializing in trauma, tells HuffPost. Initially, they may behave in a kind and considerate manner, which is to win over the confidence of the victim. 'They win over the trust and confidence of their victims, which then makes the victims vulnerable to subsequent abuse,' Lisa explained.
Here are 5 signs that should show you that you are going through emotional abuse in your relationship.
You’re always trying not to disappoint your partner
You’re second-guessing and self-editing, which means you’ve internalized the subtly abusive behavior so that your partner doesn’t have to do it overtly,' says Steven Stosny, psychologist and author of Love Without Hurt. This also means that you are neither free nor secure in your own home. You are mostly calculating the risks of your actions and trying to play by your partner’s rules.
Your partner tries to maintain an upper hand in the relationship
'Your partner declares reality for you, denying or distorting how things really are, in order to shore up a perception that supports how they see things. Common ways that this can show up is being told, 'You’re not remembering correctly,' 'I never said that' or 'I never did that.' They might infer that you're not making sense or you're faulty in the way you're looking at things when you're not. Because these responses can instill self-doubt over time, you're more likely to go along with your partner's distortions. In time, self-doubt creates a loss of trust in your perception and judgment, making you all the more vulnerable to a partner who wants to control you,' says Carol A. Lambert, psychotherapist and author of Women with Controlling Partners.
You apologies even when it’s not your mistake
'Emotionally abused people often come to believe that they are stupid, inconsiderate or selfish because they have been accused of these things so often by their partner,' says Beverly Engel, psychotherapist and author of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship.
Your partner has frequent mood swings
Your partner is loving one moment and distant and unavailable the next. No matter how hard you try to figure out why, you can't. They deny being withdrawn, and you start panicking, trying hard to get back into their good graces. Absent an explanation for why they're turned off, you start blaming yourself. Done often enough, this can turn a relatively independent person into an anxious pleaser; which is where your partner wants you,' says Peg Streep, author of Daughter Detox: Recovering from An Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life.
Your partner refused to acknowledge your accomplishments
'The ways your partner reacts to your accomplishments or positive feelings about something can be telling. Does he show little interest or ignore you? Does he find something about what you’re saying to belittle? Does he change the topic to one that’s shaming in some way to you or criticize you about what you’re not doing? Over time, confronted with hurtful responses, your sense of confidence and trust in your own competence can slowly diminish.' says Lambert.
