Marriage is a happy union of two families bought together by two individuals. This happy union is the celebration of the two bodies with an aim to contribute to society through procreation. Once marriage celebrations are done with, the next question and expectations from all quarters are centered on the consummation experiences. For some, this may not be a pleasant question as they may not achieve success in the first go. This leads to further discomfort, fear, or worry between the partners thereby increasing the performance pressure.
The relevance and importance of acquiring the right information, from the right person at the right age play a major role in making every experience enjoyable and fulfilling. But the flip side to this is the human nature of exaggeration, particularly when it comes to the aspect of pain, discomfort, etc. Apart from this problem may arise due to any of the following reasons- lack of proper sexual information, anxiety in males leading to the inability to perform, sexual abuse history, fears which may be unrealistic, some strict rules which may be religious in nature, vaginismus, and some families’ lay strict rules pertaining to sex. This eventually leads to a psychogenic fear of consummation in females as well as males. All the above reasons hint at the thought process and internal dialogue leading to dissatisfaction.
Keeping the head over the heart is the key to happiness. Inevitably there will be a conflict between the thinking brain and the emotional brain. To keep this in check, the following few takeaways may be helpful.
Jumping to conclusions- The thoughts giving a partner the confirmations that they know what their partner is thinking. This happens when a partner feels that they know the spouse inside out. This kind of attitude may suppress their own feelings of being welcomed in the conjugal act.
Calamitous prediction- Thinking negatively and a self-confirmation pertaining to the inability of accomplishment unconsciously pushes the body towards non-performance.
Labeling- Labeling can be either for self or towards the partner. If it is self- labeling, the person would be overridden by feelings of guilt leading to depressing thoughts. Labeling to the partner would make the partner conscious resulting in poor performance.
Pessimism- A pessimistic attitude makes a person perceive obstacles towards everything. Thoughts give rise to belief and faith. The internal negative dialogue dampens the spirits, leading to failures in action.
Emotional reasoning- Emotions are very infectious. They get transferred from one medium to the other very easily. Therefore, fear, worry, or anxiety of one partner will easily be transferred yielding negative results.
One of the key factors for a happy and successful marriage is a healthy sexual relationship. Both the partners are equally responsible and contributors towards achieving this. Overcoming the mental barriers, talking, and openness in communication, willfully developing positivity and aiming towards success are the sure-shot success mantras.
Inputs:
Rashmi Wadhwa
Consultant Psychologist
You can reach out to Rashmi Wadhwa with your queries at wadhwa_rashmi01@yahoo.com
