Dialogue with children on sex, consent, a must with rise in cybercrime during lockdown: Mental health therapist

ETV Bharat reporter Chandrakala Choudhury spoke to Arouba Kabir, leading mental health therapist and counsellor who highlighted that millions of children around the world are at risk of online sexual exploitation, violence and cyberbullying as they spend more time on virtual platforms amid coronavirus pandemic.

New Delhi:Many children have been affected by the closing of schools worldwide and many are online now taking classes and socialising which makes children vulnerable to online sexual exploitation and grooming, as predators look to exploit the COVID-19 pandemic.

Bois Locker Room scandal is one such example that took the internet by storm, freaking out parents about the secret lives of their kids on smartphones.

Experts and researchers are of the view that fears of cyberbullying and online dangers are increasing day by day during this global pandemic and millions of children around the world are at risk of online sexual exploitation, violence and cyberbullying as they spend more times in virtual platforms.

ETV Bharat spoke to Arouba Kabir, leading Mental health therapist and Counsellor about why parents need to have open communication with their children about an intimate and complex topic like sex.

"There has to be a heart to heart talk because until and unless parents don't talk to their children these issues cannot be resolved. Teenagers are full of hormones, curiosity to know about the physical changes etc. So, we as a counsellor, ask parents to make sure that the child has their privacy and sleep separately. Open education about sex, intimacy, consent and respect is a must during early childhood", Arouba Kabir said.

"In a way, I could see there is a positive side of using technology for teenagers and kids during this pandemic. Before laptop and phones were only for playing games, browsing unwanted things while not comfortable talking to parents. But now, kids are at least holding their phones for assignment and homework online. So, there is a positive impact also where kids will now learn that technology does not have one side of it. It has a positive side too. For a child, they would want to carry a laptop only to watch porn or movie but now they are carrying for assignments etc. It is a win-win situation in one way but yes when we talk about cyberbullying and online sexual exploitation, why are such things happening?

It is because, we as parents, society are not open to our children as we are awkward about talking about it as we as kids were not taught to talk about sex or given sex education. As it has always been considered a taboo", Arouba told ETV Bharat.

She pointed out that the reason behind incidents like 'Bois Locker Room 'happening is that because they are copying their fathers in a patriarchal society where they see how their mothers are responded or treated at home. That's what they learn. Sometimes, children do it out of anger, especially girls who could see their mother getting dominated at homes and they become more vocal and rebellion.

"It is the respect, consent that comes from the family, how you treat your wife, your son is going to treat other girls or his wife tomorrow. There is very less possibility where children would realize that they are not going to become like their father or mother but mostly it becomes a behaviour subconsciously. That has to be changed", she adds.

"Talks about sex, physical intimacy, mutual respect and consent should be initiated without any hesitation as these are going to protect the child against misinformation that they might gather.

-We need to realise that attraction and desires are natural but we have to emphasise on safe boundaries and zones, sometimes it’s not possible for the school and parents to have an effective and efficient talk regarding the same thus talking to a mental counsellor is the best option as each mind is different and they have the expertise to tackle every mind with care and adapting things in a way best suited for individual criteria", Arouba underlines.

"They need to be taught how the beauty of humanity lies in the sheer feeling of growing together as individuals and the community altogether, that spreading kindness, love and respect is what is going to make the world and their minds a beautiful place to dwell in", she added.

"Awareness, acceptance and action is a key towards positive attitude in life. Open communication between children and parents is a must. Family background and how a kid is raised matters here. During the lockdown, I have been getting desperate calls under the age group of 14-25 years complaining about relationships, fighting issue among parents, bullying at home etc.", Arouba Kabir said.

"Talking to a Mental Health Counsellor thus becomes increasingly more important, to restore their confidence and to tell them that they’re as beautiful now as they ever were and that they are the ones who can make or break their lives", she further stated.

Sex is still considered a taboo in India as it stands against our Indian culture and openly talking about sex is considered a sin. Sex is still a topic which people prefer to discuss inside the four walls of the bedroom rather than discussing it openly.